Future mother in law driving a wedge

Oct 21, 2009 - let me start by saying that I think my fiance's family is very nice and they have treated me well in the past except when i cause waves and that is what I am doing right now.  She controls my fiance's checkbook, pays his bills, schedules his car for services, and many other things.  My problem is that I am 10 years older then my fiance and have controlled my life since I was 18.  I can not comprehend how a parent does not wish for their child to grow up into a responsible adult.  believe me I have made my mistakes and I take full responsibility!  He just is not stepping up to the plate on his responsibility of being an adult.  He says he wants control of his money back but she will not give it to him (threatens to cut him off from any assistance from her or his dad).  He has never had to struggle in his life and she puts the fear of god into him with her threat.  We are planning on getting married and he does not want joint accounts.  This is strange to me but I have agreed.  He owns the house and pays all the bills (at least that is what she tells me).  even though she controls everything he tells me he is financially sound but whe implies to me through conversations that he is struggling.  I have asked my fiance to tell her to not talk to me about his finances because he believes that is his own business and not mine.  This just causes HUGE fights.  Tonight I exploded on her and told her to tell him about his money and leave me out of it.  It got to the point where my fiance left the house and she cussed me out saying what her, her husband, and son do is thier business and none of mine -that is the way I want it!  Tha is not the way i want it.  i want her out of the picture and us to run OUR own lives but it is not our life it is their life.  The problem is I want to be a couple with my fiance and she just will not let go and he will not stand up to her.  What do I do now?  I am so frustrated and concerned for the future that I am getting ready to bail!  I love this man dearly but I am not sure i can take the fighting (which is increasing because I am getting more stressed and panic)   Please someone help with advise. - 13 Comments