GeekSugar

Survey: Online Breakups Are A Common Thing

GeekSugar — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 18:00:13 PST

I know not everyone is pleased as punch that Valentine's Day has rolled around again, and for all you non-celebrators, I have entertaining and upsetting news. According to a survey commissioned by Samsung Telecommunications America about 11 percent of Americans say breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend via text message is okay.

Apparently, text message, instant message or e-mail and even social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook have become common places for an old fashioned (but very public) dumping. For more, just

Here's more:

It's art of a changing dating world where singles can avoid direct confrontation by crafting the traditional "Dear John/Jane" letter using advanced technology. Even pop star Britney Spears reportedly broke up with her soon-to-be-ex-husband Kevin Federline via a text message sent to his cellphone -- a message he read while taping an interview for a Canadian television show in November.

So what do you all think about these very public break up spots? Of course this news comes on the heels of a report that says romantic text use is on the rise, so it may be that people are just "living" more wired lives. Has anyone ever broken up with someone online or via a text message?

Would You Pick Good Service Over A Valentine's Date?

GeekSugar — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:07:23 PST

Apparently romance is giving way to the promise of good customer service. According to research by wireless service Voce, four out of five Americans would rather have 24-hour customer service assistance from fully informed "live" people than a date on Valentine's Day.

The study "Digging Deeper on Customer Service" highlighted consumers' growing frustration with the continuing downward trend in customer service. As a person that is constantly on the phone with Apple, Sony, TiVo, my bank and UPS, I totally sympathize. So many technological advances meant to make customer service more efficient or easier to use actually make dealing with companies more of a hassle for customers.
The survey also says nearly two out of three Americans would
rather take out the trash than speak to someone from customer service.

8 Myths About Sex Differences

The Good Men Project — Fri, 25 May 2012 02:00:49 PDT

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Today, Agustín Fuentes points out that when it comes to men and women, what "everyone knows" isn’t what science shows.

Everyone knows that men and women are really different. We think differently and act differently because we are wired differently. I mean look at our brains and genitals: they are just plain different. Right?

Wrong.

What if many of the things we assume about the biology of difference are not so different at all? What if it is not our “wiring” but the ways in which our bodies and minds develop and play out in society that makes us seem so unalike? Could it be that men and women are more similar than we think?

I Dumped the Love of My Life and Now She Doesn’t Trust Me

Yes, women give birth and lactate and men do not. And yes, men are, on average, slightly larger than women and usually have greater upper body strength. There are these basic biological differences between the sexes and they are important . . . but why always focus on the differences and not the biological, and behavioral, similarities? Ahh, that would be because of gender.

Gender is a powerful reality; it is the perception and expectation of differences between males and females and it shapes both our bodies and our society. Gender differences are real and important, but they are not hard wired or even static. There is no biological or evolutionary mandate that only women really care for babies and show emotions, or that males are the best at economics and politics and prefer beers and skirt-chasing to domestic bliss. These are patterns of gender roles and expectations that shape the ways we look at our biology and behavior. They influence the way we expect the world to be. It is the strength of the societal myths about sex that fool us into thinking that men and women are so different by nature.

So let’s bust some of those myths.

Gender and sex are the same thing.

Sex and gender are interconnected, but not the same thing. Sex is a biological state that is measured via what chromosomes you have (XX or XY, usually) and aspects of your body and physiology. Gender includes the roles, expectations and perceptions that a given society has for the sexes. Most societies have two genders on a masculinity-femininity continuum. Some have more. We are born with a biological sex, but acquire gender. There is a ton of individual diversity within societies and sexes in regards to how sex and gender play out in behavior and personality.

There is an extensive body of data demonstrating this, but people interested only in specific differences between men and women choose to ignore it.

Male and female genitals are totally different.

Most people think that male and female genitals are about as different as can be: penis=male and vagina=female. But even this basic dichotomy is not quite correct: the genitals emerge from the same mass of embryonic tissue. For the first six weeks of life the tissue masses develop identically. At about 6-7 weeks, depending on whether the fetus has XX or XY chromosomes (usually), the tissues to start to differentiate. One part of the tissues begins to form the clitoris or penis and another forms the labia or scrotum. Another area begins to form into either the testes or the ovaries. This means that physiologically, male and female genitals are made of the same stuff and work in similar ways.

Male and female brains are different.

If there were really deep seated differences between male and female human behavior and biology they should show up in the brain. The genitals start in the same place and end up looking different, the brain does not. Our brains are pretty much the same. Male brains are a bit bigger than females’ (like their bodies) and females’ brains stop growing earlier than males (as with their bodies). However, whatever one may believe about other organs, in the case of healthy brains, size really does NOT matter one iota. There also might be a few differences in a small part of the brain called the straight gyrus (need more testing in this one). Other than these minor aspects there are no consistent and replicated reliable differences in male and female brains; it is a human brain . . . but how we use it is another matter.

Hormones make the difference.

Everyone thinks that males and females have different hormones . . . testosterone for men and estrogen for women. Nope, all the actual hormones in males and females are the same: there are no male-only or female-only hormones. Both men and women can get a flood of testosterone when they get into a fight or take part in an exhilarating sports match. Both men and women can get a flood of oxytocin and prolactin when they pick up a newborn baby. There can be differences in the levels, patterns, and impacts of some of these hormones in male and female bodies, but individual variation is often more important than the variation between the sexes.

Keep reading for the rest.

Why Everyone (Even 20-Somethings) Should Make a Will

Business Insider — Tue, 22 May 2012 00:15:44 PDT

Getting a will is not just for those who are on the cusp of retiring. People of all ages should consider writing one, says Business Insider. Here's why.

Despite the well-known fact that everyone alive today will kick the bucket at one point or another, nearly 60 percent of Americans admitted in a 2011 poll conducted by online legal service Rocket Lawyer that they didn't have a will.

In fact, one-third said they'd rather do their taxes, get a root canal, or give up sex for a month than lay out their dying wishes in black and white.

All right, let's not get out of hand now.

Making a will these days is easier than ever, and if you've been putting it off simply because it seems daunting, then you could be making a big mistake.

"You do it for your family's [future]," says Rocket Lawyer founder Charley Moore. "[A will] enables you to start thinking about issues like whether you have the right insurance coverage, life insurance, and ways of replacing your lost income."

Whether you're 22 years old and just ran your umpteenth marathon or you're ready to retire, laying out an estate plan should definitely be near the top of your to-do list.

It's one of the three most important documents every adult should have.

Here are the other two, according to Moore:

A living will: Also called an advanced healthcare directive, a living will is where you lay out all the nuts and bolts of your end-of-life care. If you wind up in a coma or unresponsive in the hospital, then a living will can help your family decide how to handle your medical treatment.

Durable power of attorney: Choose an attorney you trust to administer your estate after your death, says Moore. He or she will be objective (unlike family members), and their entire job is to follow your wishes.

Read on for more.

How Not to Destroy Your Marriage

The Good Men Project — Fri, 18 May 2012 12:30:42 PDT

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Today, Mark Tyrrell offers eight relationship tools to make your marriage work.

"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble." - Raymond Hull

So how do you make your marriage work? Or do you just blindly hope it'll take care of itself?

Think of a hot, successful date with someone you’re attracted to. You have fun, great conversation and more sexual chemistry than a warehouse full of pheromones. You don’t have to “work at” the date because it’s self sustaining. It runs as smoothly as the gliding hand of a classical guitar maestro and you can’t wait for another rendition.

Teenage Dating in a Twilight-Hunger Games World

But marriage, or any long term relationship; well that’s a whole other caboodle.

If we’re not careful, marriage can deteriorate into little more than a torturous assault course; littered with routine boredoms, frustrations and resentments. Couple all that with external pressures and sometimes marriage feels not worth the effort. But there are major benefits to being hitched or committed, other than just a beneficial tax regime.

Healthy marriage; healthy people.

Being happily married bestows heaps of health benefits. You might be forgiven for thinking that if you’re married you don’t live longer it just seems like it but, no, a good marriage really can help you clock up more years (1) and married people are happier (2) even though they don’t always look it from the outside.

But when marriage doesn’t work it can feel being manacled to a maniac, marooned with a misogynist or nailed to a nag. And I don’t care what the studies say, that’s not healthy. You may hear couples say stuff like: “We are making our marriage work!” but how do we do this?

Making it work.

We pay lip service to “working on the marriage” but what is the work we need to do? Marriage vows such as “to love and to cherish” and “forsaking all others, for better or for worse” don’t really tell us how to make it work, although they give us a clue.

Fortunately a ton of research has been done on what to do and not do to make your marriage, or any intimate relationship work. Follow the guidelines here to become “good at marriage."

Tip one: Be romantic but keep it real.

We are all (force?) fed romance in movies and novels. The handsome man gets the beautiful woman. But what I wonder is what happens after our romantic couple ride off into the sunset together? What do they do exactly? Bicker? Moan at one another? Start to ignore each other?

After all that romance, our beautiful couple is bound to have massive expectations of their life together. But when rose tinted expectations clash with day to reality, watch out!

Romance is vital in any relationship. Always seeing the best in your partner helps to keep things intimate and love should be expressed. But if you have been raised on Mills and Boon Romance novels or feel-good movies, then your own romantic expectations can work against the sustainability of your long term relationship.

When day to day life fails to live up to the giddy, heady lust-filled days of the pre-settled down romance people can become angry, even blame one another: “This wasn’t what I signed up for." They find it hard to take the rough with the smooth because they never really figured there would be any rough.

Expectations not diluted with at least a dash of realism can be a royal road to relationship ruin. Your partner may be an angel, but they have feet of clay. You must learn to love those feet or at least accept them a bit!

Get the rest after the jump!

Take Our Beach Body Survey

FitSugar — Sun, 13 May 2012 07:00:16 PDT

Summer is fast approaching, and the heat of the season makes the beach a perfect chill spot. The waves and sand are lovely, but not everyone feels completely at ease hanging out in a swimsuit. Maybe you have bikini issues and maybe you don't - regardless, we've teamed up with Shape magazine to get to the heart of the matter. We might just be able to help; we're full of beach tips, beauty tricks, and bikini workouts. Take our beach body survey and tell us how you feel.

Take Our Survey Now!

7 Money Mistakes Women Often Make

LearnVest — Fri, 04 May 2012 00:15:55 PDT

We all make mistakes - we're all human after all. LearnVest shares some of the common money mistakes that women often make so readers will learn not to make them, too.

Some of us handle our money flawlessly, perfectly, brilliantly, all of the time.

But most of us don't.

Most of us make mistakes here and there. We make some mistakes more than others, because of our personalities, or our upbringing . . . or sometimes even our gender.

It's ridiculous, but true.

We've heard it firsthand - from our readers. In fact, we went through hundreds of reader submissions and found examples of the most common stories that cross our desks every day.

Let's be clear: Not all women make these mistakes. Not all men avoid them. But in our experience, these are a few female financial problem areas that can lead to major debt and lots of stress.

RELATED: Are You a Social Shopper?

Ever bailed out an ex? Indulged in a little more retail therapy than you meant to? Or woken up one day and realized you didn't know as much as you thought you did about managing your money? You just might recognize yourself.

Of course, if you don't, good for you. We're just saying, bad money snafus happen to good people. But read on: We'll show you the top seven mistakes women make - and what to do instead.

Feeling Guilty

"When we were together, I let my ex stay with me rent-free until he found an apartment, lent him my furniture and paid for every date because I had a job and he didn't. When I lost my job, he paid for my rent for a few months and bills, etc. Now that we're broken up, he wants me to pay him back for the rent he insisted on covering. I am still on unemployment and barely getting by. I feel so guilty because we didn't end up as the forever couple and while I can't (nor would I . . . ) calculate all of my assistance getting him settled in NYC, he can quite easily."

A 2011 study from Eversave.com found that 67% of women have felt guilt about a purchase. But that's not the only opportunity for guilt: There's also staying in a job you feel guilty about abandoning, giving someone money because you feel guilty about their situation and, oh, doing the opposite of what you want when it comes to working after having children because you feel guilty about being a good mom (more on that here).

This guilt effect might not be limited to finances, either. Some studies suggest that women are more inclined than men to feel any kind of guilt. And we'd argue, more likely to bail out their exes, too.

Read on for more.

Find Out How Much Makeup Other Women Really Wear

Miriam Lacey — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 10:06:00 PDT

A few weeks back, we asked you how much makeup you actually wear, and now the results are in. Thousands of people responded, and you might be surprised at the answers other ladies gave. See all the stats for yourself now.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Minutes

Laura Marie Given — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 11:20:00 PDT

While Matthew McConaughey is stripping down in Magic Mike these days, we can't help but reminisce about his iconic role in the rom-com How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. In the movie, Andie Anderson showed us quite a few dating don'ts - from a superstitious love fern to an eerie scrapbook of future children - but it's possible to lose a guy's attention long before the 10-day mark. First impressions matter, so how you act during an introduction can make or break any chance of a first date. Looking for love? See what not to do and learn how to lose a guy in 10 minutes. Follow these steps and all bets are off:

Make it all about you. One of the fastest ways to turn off a guy is to rattle on about your day, your friends, your family - all without asking him a single question. Go for a conversation, not a monologue, and leave room for him to listen and respond.
Make it all about him. It shouldn't be a one-sided interrogation, either. Steer clear of 20 Questions so that he doesn't feel like he's in the hot seat.
Scan the room. If you're constantly surveying your surroundings, he's going to feel like he's not good enough - and that you're not worth the time. Maintain eye contact to show your interest and let him know that you care about what he has to say.
Say you're a "guy's girl." Bragging that you're just one of the guys will make him think that you can't get along with other girls. (Talk about a red flag.) Step back and see what you're really trying to express, whether it's your love for sports or your low-key attitude.
Chug your drinks. It's fine to sip your drink throughout the interaction, but if you're looking for lasting love, avoid any top-to-bottom swigs. Drinking heavily can send the wrong signal and you're likely to ruin your conversation skills.

Keep reading for more dating dealbreakers.

What We Need to Talk About When We Talk About Sex and Feminism

The Good Men Project — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 08:00:00 PDT

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Lisa Solod, who came of age during the sexual revolution, explores what feminism means to this generation.

My mother married my father because, she told me in a rare moment of candor, she wanted to have sex with him. She was 25 and tired of pre-sex fumbling and stolen kisses. My father was, of course, far more experienced, having been in the Pacific Theater during World War II; far less discreet about his former life (and life in general) he told his daughters inappropriate tales of the women he had met on shore leave. One I particularly remember had her front teeth filed into points. Well into their marriage, each of them managed to be unfaithful and they finally separated (but not because of infidelity) after twenty years of marriage. Yet, for another dozen years or so they would hook up here and there, travel together, and, of course have sex. In a further revelation, my mother told me that the sex was the best part of her relationship with my father.

I came of age at the tail end but the real beginning of the sexual revolution (1971-1974). At that point, sexual liberation was inextricably tied to the rise of feminism. Having sex like men, i.e., without attachment, was part of our freedom. But too many of us got hurt. We hadn’t yet factored in the biology of mating and how really hard it was to have that much sex without any real commitment. Most of the women I know who grew up during those years had far more sexual encounters than they were ever willing to reveal to their husbands. Those of us who divorced then dived back into the sexual market with the same abandon. I am not sure we were all the wiser. I hear STDs are on the rise in the over 50 group, which doesn’t surprise me. We all were pretty practiced in birth control but we took it into our own hands, with the pill and the diaphragm. This was pre-AIDS. Barrier methods were not our methods of choice then. They are not, apparently, our method now, either.

Should a Man Stand Up For His Woman?

But those of us who grew up in the trenches of the sexual revolution know that feminism was about far more than women having the kind of meaningless sex with men that men had been having with us for eons. Feminism, which is still being parsed in the media as well as our own homes, still being debated and discussed and accepted and dismissed, was about being able to control (to the extent that anyone can) our work lives, our love lives, our lives as a whole. It was about being able to have a career, being paid equally well for that career, and making our own decisions about marriage and childbirth without having to merely capitulate to what society had set out for us. I, for one, was happy not to have to marry to have sex. I was thrilled to be able to go to college and think about a career without worrying that it might make me unmarriageable. I was ecstatic about the notion that I could make decisions for myself.

All those ideas I passed along to my daughter. But, of course, she had no need to wrestle with those notions as the women in my generation had. She lived in a society where (she thought) feminism was taken for granted. Women her age did not talk about marriage, either as an option or something to reject. They saw it as fact that women could do anything.

Read the rest of the story below.